I've had my moments, completely flipping out inside, in the past few days. That's what living is about. Flipping like a pancake.
Speaking of pancakes.. gosh, I hope I get to make some soon. I just bought syrup the other day, and kimchi, and a new T-shirt, and 3 new books.
That was Thursday.
I'd went out jogging with Adeline, about a round, and then sat in the padang in the rain for a while. Then I ran home. I remember doing this, on a few accounts. I remember one in particular that was rather... unwelcoming of a memory. But this time, it was.. exhilaration. But my legs haven't been doing well, I've been torturing them, I' say, so they couldn't carry me far for long, I had to stop several times.
Then as my papa was home, and not working, we went out for dinner. He brought us to Sunway Damansara, which he'd said was just really small of a place, but I fell in love with it. Remote, small, cozy. Though there was this huge party going on at a club/bar sort of place. It was partly outdoors, line with mostly restaurants. One particular restaurant caught my eyes, it's um, a Lifestyle Store, I suppose? Fullhouse. I imagined Fateemah would like it very much. The decor all white and pristine, drawings on the walls outside, looking almost like a garden party, or a dinner party of some sort. We walked around for a while, before deciding where to eat. It had one market, one or two music stores, a bookstore, a camera/film developing store, a couple of fitness centers, and stuff like that. My kind of mall.
We had dinner in Ichiban Boshi, and it was omg, filling. Then we went to the market, and I spotted MOZERALLA BALLS D: I wanted it, to make meatballs, but maybe next time. But I got my syrup for pancakes and kimchi anyway.
Then we headed to Ikano, I got the T-shirt in Brands Outlet and my books in Popular, then we headed home. Oh, we stopped at the petrol station to get water, and before that my dad was musing to himself about whether there were any stations beyond where we passed, and he suddenly said "Chicken on the run."
My reaction went as far as "Chicken! Chicken? What chicken? Chicken on the run? CHICKEN??"
Apparently, it was just that ESSO's convenient store's header used to be a chicken, and it's nice On the Run.
I spent my Friday afternoon reading You're the One I Don't Want and sleeping, until I had to go to tuition which starts at 6.30, since my Addmaths teacher "got called by Girl's Generation" and went to Korea.
Zahira hasn't been around 'cuz she's a busy woman, so I'm stuck with Mujeeb and Luqman in BM class, then Mujeeb and Parama in Maths class. Great. These coupled boys are really annoying, you know? At one point, Mujeeb was talking about Raihana to Parama but accidentally said Rash instead. Parama's reaction was funny.
Then it was time to go home, and momma brought me to go get sate. Then I went home, and spent the rest of the night reading until I went to bed.
I woke up this morning around 8.40. My first thought was, "Where'd the sun go?" I got up and was going to brush my teeth and you know, not doing anything else like you usually do on my weekends, yeah, lazy bum. Then I decided, might as well shower, it felt like that kinda day, where I wanted to make some sort of effort. Yeah, even I have those days :)
The house was quiet. My parents weren't home, and my brother was still asleep, my elder brother left for a trip to Malacca after he dropped me at Perfection yesterday.
I switched on my music system, played track 10. That's my 6th CD you know. It's Corinne Bailey Rae's Like A Star. It'd started raining outside.
The CD proceeded to play Christina Perri's Arms and Zee Avi's Just You and Me while I was in the bathroom. I'd switched on my laptop, just for a short while, since I haven't been online for 3 days. I switched off the music system by the time it gone past Avril Lavigne and got to Boyce Avenue's mashup.
I was going to make myself pancakes, but there was no flour, and when I called my mom, I forgot to check the rest of the ingredients, there weren't any eggs either. Then I thought heck, potatoes. I made potato salad. So while I was at it, I fried some extra ham and fed my brother who'd already woken up.
Then my mom came home while I was reading, and I told her how I'd miss the eggs, so she said I could make them tomorrow then. She'd brought back roti canai.
After a while, my papa came home. Rainy day, lazy people, slow business. We went out for lunch pulak. To Batang Kali.
I love that back road, to Rasa, all undeveloped and kampung-like. Quiet, green, gray and brown, and blue. At one point, I stopped reading and asked my mother if I could put down the windows. It's a beautiful day, in the gloomy kind of way. Best. Feeling. In the world. :) Just like when I'm back at my kampung and am winding down that long, near-abandoned road from Tangkak to my grandparents' house.
We stopped at my dad's old factory, he talked to some people, and so did my mom. And when they got back in the car, they were both going at it.. about different things, my mom about that person from India she'd met, and my dad about his crazy factory neighbor that my mom had been contacted from. At one point, I was just exasperated at how they talk over each other. There's no communication! I pointed it out to my brother, and we both ended up snickering in the back seat. Ridiculous, both of them. I'm not sure if anyone notices, but this is what you people do. Everyday. Someone gets left out, someone's not being heard, someone just keeps talking and in the end.. I suppose no one feels like they've had their word in any way.
We went to that restaurant which was famous locally for Sheng Mian, or something. Papa said that my grandma used to make that. I think the cooking there reminds him of home. Because it does to me too. And of Beijing. There was a smell in the place, that I can't figure out. And the weather. It just brought me back to Beijing. The clouds are low today.
I finished my book in the car, and when we got home, I opened the next novel, the Accidental Proposal, and realized, omg, what big words you have. HAHA. Yep. Big printed words like it's for preteens. Geez. But it's okay, I guess. I want to look into the mind of a man.
I've been watching TV since anyway. And it's hot outside.
I shaved for the first time just now. You know I haven't worn sleeveless out my doorstep without a jacket for the past.. five months by now, maybe. But I lost my normal black cotton jacket, and I got frustrated when I couldn't find it. So I guess it was just a sign that I have to now. I asked my mom to buy me a razor for me, and she just said, she had one. And I told her if I could just use talcum powder and she said I could use the honey bar, which I'd used to wash my face when I was younger. Apparently, she'd neglected to tell me all that every time I asked her if I should start shaving. She just made off like she knew nothing about shaving because she never needed to. Geez, I suddenly'd gotten the impression that she didn't want me to grow up or something. But I always ask her what to do, when it comes to all these things. Because I feel obligated to. I didn't want to screw up in any way, like I'd have before, cluelessness.
Some part of me feels like I'm being left behind. I keep being reminded, especially lately, of how inactive I am.
We went to that restaurant which was famous locally for Sheng Mian, or something. Papa said that my grandma used to make that. I think the cooking there reminds him of home. Because it does to me too. And of Beijing. There was a smell in the place, that I can't figure out. And the weather. It just brought me back to Beijing. The clouds are low today.
I finished my book in the car, and when we got home, I opened the next novel, the Accidental Proposal, and realized, omg, what big words you have. HAHA. Yep. Big printed words like it's for preteens. Geez. But it's okay, I guess. I want to look into the mind of a man.
I've been watching TV since anyway. And it's hot outside.
I shaved for the first time just now. You know I haven't worn sleeveless out my doorstep without a jacket for the past.. five months by now, maybe. But I lost my normal black cotton jacket, and I got frustrated when I couldn't find it. So I guess it was just a sign that I have to now. I asked my mom to buy me a razor for me, and she just said, she had one. And I told her if I could just use talcum powder and she said I could use the honey bar, which I'd used to wash my face when I was younger. Apparently, she'd neglected to tell me all that every time I asked her if I should start shaving. She just made off like she knew nothing about shaving because she never needed to. Geez, I suddenly'd gotten the impression that she didn't want me to grow up or something. But I always ask her what to do, when it comes to all these things. Because I feel obligated to. I didn't want to screw up in any way, like I'd have before, cluelessness.
Some part of me feels like I'm being left behind. I keep being reminded, especially lately, of how inactive I am.
I even had a freak out session to my mom about how I'm going to be the last on the list to get a scholarship even if I get straight A's. I'm not an athlete, not in any way, in any society considered a leader, and this is totally beyond feeling like a total shithead now. I'm not incapable! In fact, I'm the opposite of incapable! I've stepped up to pick up others' slack before. But it's too late to bother about it. My mom wanted me to either stand up or.. well, something. At one point she said, "You want me to do it for you?" My expression = D: Then she proceeded in cheering me up with a story of a 7 year old who's got an amazing sense of justice and right or wrong, changing the subject entirely.
(HAHA, Justin Beiber is being played on MTV on repeat)
At any rate.. I guess I'm feeling okay. Sometimes I'm not. Like on Friday night. Sometimes I'm happy, like today.
I can't afford any step-backs.
Keep on smiling, baby.
Love all,
JY
