Suddenly, I'm terrified of my over-thinking, like I never have before. And my imagination. What happens to that?

So many things I can't explain. So many things I'm ashamed of. So many things about me that's not normal, and shouldn't be about a smart, proper Chinese girl.

So many things I imagine, about love. And because I imagine that.. so I expect that, does it mean.. God, does it mean I will not get what I expect because I'm supposed to get it when I least expect it?