You can't force anyone to see you the way you want them to. You can only hope they see it right. Not like it would be about getting all these amazing qualities out of you that you don't actually possess, it would be about seeing the amazing parts of your imperfect being, and understanding the imperfect parts are just a work under construction and deserve as much support and love as the rest of the person. Which is why, it is always important to be true to yourself.
You can over-analyze sometimes. You can try to read into yourself and wonder what you're about. You can put good names and bad names on yourself. You can comfort yourself or beat yourself up. But nobody really cares. Because to them, it just sounds like you're being self-absorbed, even if you are just trying to make yourself feel better when no one else would. But you are, you are being self-absorbed when you think about your very being and try to break it down. It's not a bad thing in a case. But in a nutshell, what people see in that can range in very different things.
I still do that sometimes. But I'm done talking about that. And truth be told, I find it boring now. I don't know what I'm about. And I doubt I ever will. I'm not bothered.
I am me. And I'm not a bad person. That's all I need to know.
Here's the thing I like most about Glee. They do not portray these constant evil presence in the teenagers, or the stable, on-going kindness and good qualities. They sway back and forth. And that was real. We are not all completely mean. And we can't always be kind and good. We stumble, but if you can see, at least the characters, they always meant it, whatever it was. There's a degree of forthrightness to these fictional people. And sometimes, people get confused as to how you act. But when you think about it, when you watch carefully, there's always a clear reason, whether it's reasonable or not.
From Santana who's just the b*tch in town, so vulnerable, to Quinn who got pregnant and became aware of inner beauty then headed straight back down to getting grabs on the Prom Queen title and trashing Rachel on the way, and Rachel who's just completely insane with the things she wants and her desire of Finn despite how good a person she is, and Puck who used to be a bully badass and well.. still sort of is a badass, but there was a change in him, in sides and personality.
That's what being a teenager is about.
And if ever they have a Glee reunion after 30 years, they'll see everything much lucidly than ever before, as to the way they'd morphed and shaped.
Because life is like a book. But no one can distinct the chapters until you've written much further and drawn up a line where you saw a change, a climate difference and a build up or slide down to something.
Times change. Some things never do. People always change. Circumstances do too. Adapt.
Adapt, adapt, adapt.
They hated you yesterday, they can love you today. They love you today, they can hate you tomorrow.
Just be the best that you can. The very best.
I don't need to talk about how terrible I was before, about the mistakes I've made, unless I find it relevant to a person. A person who will stay in my life and want to make a change with me. Sometimes, I don't even need to talk about it then.
It's the desire to change that lights up every step forward.
They don't tell you what's in front. They taunt you and challenge you take the step anyway. Brave as you are, there are times where we hesitate.
I'm not who I was.
That used to scare me.
It's okay to change for the better. Because you weren't all that well. There is no use being hung up about how someone told you to get on with it and stop being such a brat. Especially when you've done it.
Don't hate yourself, even if it was just a mirror image from before.
Every step has led you to who you are. And every time you walk down memory lane, you'll see something amazing. A spark that sent you to ignite, a pull that tugged you backwards, a thrust that threw you down, a breath that got you steady, a wind that sent you flying, a will that keeps you alive.
I am tired. And disappointed.
But I'm not unhappy. I'll be happy tomorrow.
