I can't give a lot.

But every time Ireena chooses not to tell me what's wrong, I am there regardless, for her to cry onto my shoulder. I would hold her hand, I would tell her it's okay. I would hug her and pat her back. I would ask her what's wrong, but when she doesn't answer me, I tell her it's okay. Sometimes she chooses to tell Hani or Nurin or Muhaimin or Pheng Hooi what's wrong instead of letting me know, and at first I was slightly crestfallen, but I realized that it was her choice and maybe, well, maybe she did love or trust me a little less, but that doesn't mean I have to love her any less. And when I accepted that, it became wonderful.

There was no pain, only love.

She would cry and I would hug her. I would comfort her until it became my turn to cry, and she was there. She understands.
We are not sad people. We may be unhappy sometimes. But we love to laugh, love to smile, love to talk, love to make a mess and we love to love.

She says that we are strong. I believe her.

This is how a friendship comes into terms, of becoming perfect. She, taught me how to give.

Yin Yan is not a tearer. She's not one to cry. I'm not saying she doesn't have problems. But our relationship doesn't comprise of crying to each other because she is not comfortable with a public display of any emotion other than happiness.

Which is how our friendship came to terms.

For a long time, I didn't see what role I played in her life. Because I didn't seem to be much. She didn't need another person to cheer her up or have someone to talk to or have some shoulder to cry on. For a long time, I didn't see my point.

But despite when I became detached and shrugged away from relying on people or even the simplest need to be wanted or needed, when all that banished, she stayed. And I realized, it wasn't that I was holding on to her, but she chose to walk with me.

My role was to nag at her, was to remind her of things, was someone for her to blab about ridiculous stuff to and someone who tells her the lamest things on Earth that she can't understand or laugh at. But I fit in anyway.

When I cried the Friday before the last, and I couldn't speak for a while, she asked for my hand. And I was just like *funny face expression that says wwhuuuttt" and she went into kiddy "IWANT" mode so I gave it to her and she stuck this post-it on my hand. And it said "Happy is in my hand". I almost cried again at that. She makes me so happy because of how adorable she is and how insane we are.

She taught me how to receive.

Then there's Fateemah. Who's just adorable. And doesn't need me around. She notices every little gesture I make when she's around me. Even when I raise my head to look at someone. She's the one that shouts "TIPU!" when I say I'm fine after she asks me if I'm okay. She is my fish2.

Hani's just around to play "Copycat" with Yin Yan. I think they're soulmates. They vehemently deny it. But that's just part of their relationship. Also, she's the gedik one who seems to drift in and out, but I don't mind anymore. It's not that she doesn't love me. We're just not always on the same page. And the sodium chloride thing's just the best topic, always.

Nurin, my gosh. She's just so weird. Love the way she laughs. No question asked. Lots of funny faces. Super talented. So much to laugh at. So great to laugh with. Can't keep her hands off people's asses though.

Addy and J-Han are in Beta class and I don't see much of them. When I do, it's with YY. I take the step back. I like it that way anyway. The acceptance of my invisibility just made it okay after all. Sometimes, I'm more invisible to one than the other. Sometimes, I think they only talk to me because they feel obligated, but I don't mind anymore. Like, I said, gone is my need to be needed. Not that they don't care, of course they do. But sweetie, I'm not that bothered about gestures and crap no more.

Muhaimin and Pheng Hooi, I don't really know. They sort of fade in and out of focus at random times. I just deal with it, you know? I really don't mind so much anymore.

Luqman is just, God, insane. I am his baobei, his laopo and his "everything" (because of how he always sings the YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING at me). He always tries to cheer me up after I've cried, even if it's just one go. And he listens to me, sort of. Motherly person.

Then there's Mujeeb. Ketua Skuad A doh. HAHA. I love making him suffer. Last week, because he calls me Jing all the time and writes the word all over my notes, he doesn't know how to spell the "Yi" in my name. Yii. Yee. E. Yie. WHAT? HAHA. The E was Luqman's idea. :P He is the PAN(that's read like pandi)cake to Yin Yan's Superpan. That's what they call each other. I spend Friday evenings with him and Zahira in tuition. We drive each other crazy. Me with the water works, him with the.. you know, Mujeebiness.

Iskandar, Harith, Naveen, Nischanth fall under the same category. Love those guys, in a rather mild way. They make me laugh and smile. But that's that. They are a part of my life.

Lately, I have realized that people come and go.

That doesn't make them disposable. On the contrary, they are irreplaceable. But despite that, I am not "never going to get over them". If they leave, I move on. I can always make new friends. But I will remember the best parts of them.

That's just it. The way I've accepted the fact that they are going to leave or the fact they love someone more than me or that I'm not the number one and all that bullsh*t has made it so much clearer. They will not remember me as the one who went bitter at the end.

They are people with just doses and doses of happiness and positivity that they're ready to inject me with. My insecurities have come to a rest. (As far as friends are concerned) :P

These people are, what you say,