Dear Ireena,

Yes, we have chosen what we've chosen, we bear what we bear, and we blame ourselves.

But where are we getting at this?

You've lost your faith in everybody, and I've come to hate myself.

Your faith in God has kept you going, and Muhaimin. And I have kept myself going, by reminding myself that I have been through much worse.

You cried to Muhaimin yesterday. And I lost it in the car, with my mom, wailing.

You'd hurt a friend, inflicting physical injury upon him, and yourself. And I'd hurt my mother, torn her apart and rip open her old scars, and bit myself.

I have been through what you've been through, and no, I'm not saying that the things we feel are exactly the same. I just know that it goes away. Because this is something we learn to live with. I have two brothers and because I can deal with myself, I took a back seat, and so I took full responsibility for everything I did from when I was younger and let my mom deal with my brothers instead. Because I can't be a problem to them anymore. But I am. So I learn to adapt to the situation, a situation where nothing is impossible, and change is certain.

The way you choose Muhaimin to be the one you trust, is the same way people choose certain things or people to be the priority in their lives. The way you say what you say even knowing it will hurt but with good intentions, is the same way I am telling you what I'm telling you now.
We hurt people, Ireena. We never mean to, but we hurt them. But all this comes from the stress we're placing ourselves under, and how much we try. And I don't know where we're going with this.

I am there for you, only the same way you're there for me. I am not there for you, the way you're not there for me.

I love you, Ireena, and the rest of everybody else. And if you ever forget that.. if I ever forget that, then it's over for me.

And I know you think I'm not fearful of God, and I don't remember Him, and that I am stupid. Even though we don't have the same religion, I know that it's wrong. There is a stigma, about depression and suicidal intentions all around the world.

If you think I want to. You're wrong.

My words are not meant to hurt you, or point out anything but the fact that I need you to understand. Because I love you, and I want you to stay in my life.

I can do with no more mistakes.

So forgive me if I've said something wrong. But I want you to talk about it with me, and not take this upon yourself.

We are strong; you told me that, Ireena.

I think I could be. But when I'm trying so hard, I don't feel strong at all.

Please, now, you tell me how you feel.

And if you choose not to, and I know there's a high chance of that, please at least, give me an acknowledgement that you've heard me.

Sincerely, Love,

JY