The Selective Silence #1

January 10th

My uncle asks me about my brother, about whether he is still looking for a job.
I explain he's not been hired because most employers are looking for people who can work through Chinese New Year. He asks if my brother will still be on his break after Chinese New Year, and I say no, that he'll be heading back to college.
He says okay and that there isn't a point since the job will only last a month, and I think he means that nobody would think to hire someone for such a short term and I am inclined to agree.
He then says it's okay and that my brother can just follow my dad around.
And I want to scream at him and say that my father is not doing anything either.

But I do not respond.

Comeback.

I know nobody is reading.
But I just wanted to let you know that I am okay.

I interrupt this program (of silence) to bring you my official favorite song!

Lena Meyer-Landrut - Mama Told Me

It's not taking me down
Gonna stand right up
I could take it to town
Baby but I'm not

I'm not looking left or right
That turns right out to be fine
I'm not taking another fight
And you know this is not the place to
die because my

Mama told me
This will be a good day
This will be a nice day
You can hold me
Better in a good way
You don't need to tie me

On the way to your soul
I've got to pass the night
Take your time to break out now
Cause the time is right

I'm not looking left or right
That turns right out to be fine
I'm not taking another fight
And you know this is not the place to
die because my

Mama told me
This will be a good day
This will be a nice day
You can hold me
Better in a good way
You don't need to tie me

Mama told me
This will be a good day
This will be a nice day
You can hold me
Better in a good way
You don't need to tie me

McDonald's introduced me to this lovely lady!

Doesn't she look like such a sweetling?
So many reasons why this song is so right.

Okay, so, I won't be updating for a while again.

This blog shall rest in peace for now.

“Well, it could’ve been us. But you didn’t want it. Or maybe you did but couldn’t. That’s the worst, isn’t it? Wanting to love someone, but realising you can’t actually do it. Your brain, your heart, your genitalia just won’t let it happen. And you’re just left with having to break a lot of people’s hearts.”

- Ryan O’Connell

“People use drugs, legal and illegal, because their lives are intolerably painful or dull. They hate their work and find no rest in their leisure. They are estranged from their families and their neighbors. It should tell us something that in healthy societies drug use is celebrative, convivial, and occasional, whereas among us it is lonely, shameful, and addictive. We need drugs, apparently, because we have lost each other.”

- Wendell Berry

“Usually we walk around constantly believing ourselves. “I’m okay” we say. “I’m alright”. But sometimes the truth arrives on you and you can’t get it off. That’s when you realize that sometimes it isn’t even an answer—it’s a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.”

- Markus Zusak

“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself.”

- Ralph Ellison

“Maybe he didn’t really encourage me to do things, but he didn’t prevent me from doing them either. But after a while, I didn’t do things because I didn’t want him to think different about me. But the thing is, I wasn’t being honest. So, why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn’t really even know me?”

- Stephen Chbosky

"If the truth is you're a liar, when you say that you're okay.."

I've just been sitting here, camwhoring.

Btw, there will be no play-to-play post on my convo. I can't write that.

I'm gonna go wash this hairspray out of my hair now. I sweated/cried/ate off all my makeup, soo, umm, yeah, hahaha!